FILED UNDER: JOKES I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AS A CHILD
they were talking about his height
They had not met him yet. This was a penis joke.
we need to talk about that house loan
It’s gonna cost you a leg. Specifically, that guy’s prosthetic leg.
I need it.
I also need that guy’s eye.
okay what fucking fandom does a guy lose his prosthetic leg and his eye?
nobody tell him
when you see a rude hate post in your OTP’s tag
Three Men & A Baby! AU (sort of) ~ Maria, Coulson, Bruce and Tony.
In which Maria has a one night stand with Tony Stark and falls pregnant. Shortly after the birth of her beautiful baby girl Mary, Maria’s father and best friend are killed by corrupt officials because he refuses to be corrupted by them. Maria, penniless, homeless and feeling like a terrible mother leaves her at Stark Towers because who better to protect her daughter than superheroes?What happens when Maria turns up 4 months later to reclaim her daughter?
Why the three of them are unable to let Mary go and so invite Maria to live in Stark Tower with them.
”You know she finds that stuff boring, seriously, not even sleepy boring. Just boring.” Tony said raising his eyes brows and shooting Maria and Bruce a look in turn.
”How do you know she finds it boring? Did she tell you?” Phil asked from his place on the bed.
Bruce looked up at them both with a frown, it was a curious situation he had found himself in. Inadvertently becoming involved in this little family. It was odd and yet it suited him just fine, though he did have to wonder what was going to happen when one of them (not him of course), found themselves romantically entangled. Would the other be accepted into their little family? It worried him too because what happened if Maria found someone else. They were all completely in love with Mary. A little girl with three fathers, he wasn’t sure how he would react to someone trying to take that from him. Whether it be a supervillain or something completely ordinary as someone falling in love with someone else.
”Well actually I started developin-” Tony began but Maria cut him off.
”You’re not experimenting on my daughter.”
”Our.” Bruce corrected.
”She’s right you’re not experimenting on our daughter Tony.” Phil replied closing the book and tickling Mary’s tummy.
”Who said you could climb into bed and start reading boring stories anyway grandpa?” Tony retorted. He was only teasing of course.
”Mary did.” Phil replied tickling her tummy again so she fell into a fit of giggles and then the argument was lost of course because Mary’s giggles just so happened to be the cure to most arguments, whether they be severe or only playful.
I don’t understand how I manage to get myself into such toxic friendships online that make me feel like shit.
I’m so glad I got out of it because I’m so much happier rn.
4 screencaps of Agent Coulson
1.10 The Bridge
My new idol.
"Agent Avenger." The REAL superhero.
Season 2 Here We Come!